Does your husband really care if you can fit into skinny jeans?

The naked truth

After 11 years of being a full-fledged member of this institution we call marriage, I can say with total and complete certainty that at this point I'm fairly convinced my husband could care less about whether or not I can fit into a pair of skinny jeans. In fact, 95 percent of the time, if I walked around draped in a potato sack, it wouldn't illicit much of a reaction from him. As I write this, I'm not quite sure whether the fact that the shape of my body has no bearing on him is actually a good thing. Is it that he loves every last inch of me or it that he's just quietly resigned himself to living with a wife who has no interest in doing stomach crunches?

Of course, when we initially met, as we rollerbladed in NYC’s Central Park, me in my Daisy Dukes - hair perfectly coiffed and my face decked in full-on eyeshadow and shimmery lip gloss, he told me shortly thereafter that although he was enamored with my skill on blades, my jean shorts, may have fueled his lustful gaze.

But let’s slow down here a second and put things into perspective. During our initial courtship I was the polar opposite of the woman I am today. I was a carefree, unattached 20-something, whose biggest concern was paying my rent and feeding my MAC cosmetics addiction. And that whole "fitting into Daisy Dukes thing," well back in those days, being that the bulk of my paychecks went to my exorbitant Manhattan rent, I subsisted solely on Diet coke and takeout Chinese egg drop soup.

Fast forward 11 years, two kids, the latter of which was a C-section, which has left me with a permanent kangaroo pouch, and an affinity for shoveling in my kids’ leftover meals, (heck, how can I possibly toss half-eaten chicken breasts and Kraft macaroni and cheese when there are kids starving in other parts of the world?!), I don’t think I could possibly manage to fit one leg into an entire pair of skinny jeans.

Of course I wasn’t always the hausfrau I’ve recently morphed into. After our first child was born, I was incredibly cognizant of every morsel I consumed -- determined to keep my thighs as cellulite-free as I could. I was committed to getting into that coveted tight pair of jeans at all costs and even attempted a few fad diets in order to do so… They didn’t work. But then I had my second child, and the responsibilities of motherhood, coupled with the usual round-up of deadlines, homework, play dates and, yes, one too many pieces of butter cream frosted cake on the kids’ birthday party circuit, pushed getting into a pair of tight jeans slightly lower on my list of priorities.

Do I care? Only on the rare occasion that my husband and I both happened to be watching TV together (usually we retreat to our respective places in the house -- where I can get my fix of Bravo’s Millionaire Matchmaker and he whatever sport is being televised -- although I think he’d draw the line at curling). Lo and behold we were front and center for the Victoria Secret Fashion show, where models vamped it up in barley-there bras and panties. My initial reaction was to grab the remote and change the channel, but then I waited to see what my husband’s reaction would be to these perfect specimens of the female persuasion who could give any of us moms a run for our money.

I’m not going to lie -- I saw his eyes widen a bit as a bronzed, raven-haired, Brazilian “Angel” swept across the stage, spilling out of a barely-there push up bra. Oh, did I mention that “his look” is dark-skin and I’m just about the pastiest white girl on this planet who needs to slap on SPF 50 when just the tiniest bit of sun pokes through the clouds? But I digress... For a moment, my heart sank as I looked down at my attire: A pair of my grandma’s finest flannel pajamas and my hair in a bun.

So I asked him point blank, “Do you wish I looked like that,” a question no husband would dare answer with the statement, “Yes, actually you could stand to lose about 20 pounds.” He said, and I quote, “Honey, you are still as beautiful and sexy to me as that first day we met when you went rollerblading in your shorts and eyeshadow.” OK, so now I know he’s lying, or at the very least stretching the truth, but I’ll take it.

So does your husband really care if you can fit into skinny jeans? Probably not. And that is why God invented elastic.

7 Traits of irresistible women

His idea of sexy

We sat down with a group of five men to find out what they find irresistible in women. Here's the list of traits that these men (and probably all men) find to be appealing in the opposite sex. "There are certain things I look for when I look for a girlfriend," says Brandon. "If she embodies these traits, she'll only be hotter to me."

Confidence

Purnell, a single male who’s currently on a girl hiatus, thinks that a girl who knows who she is and likes who she is, is hot. He doesn’t want to keep on reassuring his future girlfriend. She already has to be put together inside and out, and “that’s irresistible,” he adds.

Intelligence

“She has to be able to hold a stimulating conversation with me,” says Jeremy, a 30-year-old single man. “I’m really attracted to girls who can hold her own and might even teach me a thing or two.” The lawyer believes a “hot” girl who’s below him intellectually is only fun for one casual date, but it’s not ideal long-term.

Great sense of humor

When asked what he finds to be irresistible, Brandon, a self-proclaimed superficial single, surprised us. “I know my eye is always on the lookout for a pretty face, but if a girl can make me laugh, even if she’s not hot, I’d still find her to be girlfriend material,” he explains. “A good sense of humor is irresistible because it’s so pleasant to be around and shows she has a brain and confidence” (traits that also made this list).

Nice smile

“If she has messed up teeth, it’s disgusting -- enough said,” says Brandon, who’s single and can’t help being picky. “A girl with straight, white teeth, to me, is irresistible. It means she knows how to take care of herself.”

Driven

Some guys might want to be with a girl who plans to stay home with the kids when they’re married, but for Purnell, a woman who’s driven is irresistible. He has always dated girls with careers or grand ambitions. He finds a girl’s motivation and work ethic to be sexier than her appearance (though he believes someone’s looks counts a little bit).

Adventurous

Eric, a 35-year-old hairstylist, is in love with the woman he’s dating. Their first date: sky diving. “It was her idea, not mine,” he explains. “I’ve never done it before, but she has. I said, what the heck, and it was an amazing bonding experience.” Besides the unique first date, Eric said he found his now girlfriend irresistible because of her zest for life. “The fact that she does crazy things and can be spontaneous is so hot to me,” he adds.

Easy-going

“No one likes a girl who’s too intense and a bit of a handful,” says Vincent, the man I’m currently dating. “A girl who’s easy -- and not in the sexual sense -- is a catch. So many girls can be dramafied and analyze every little thing.” The 29-year-old says he’s been on so many dates with girls who over-think and that’s not only stressful for him, but is a total deal-breaker.

J-Lo booty

No wonder Jennifer Lopez has had the opportunity to be involved with so many great men. From Chris Judd to Ben Affleck, and now being married to Marc Anthony, you can’t deny her sex appeal. Many say it’s her confidence, which also made this list; others will assume her bum has a little bit to do with it, too. “I like a girl with curves,” says Brandon, who’s still single and is anxiously awaiting his J-Lo. “I know a lot of girls go on diets and try to slim down, but being too slim is not sexy -- at least not to me.”

sheknows.com

Top 100 things that attract women to men

1.Clear, beautiful and healthy looking eyes. Eyes provide an insight on the level of health of the individual, and healthy eyes indicate a healthy mate. It was also surveyed as the most attractive feature according to various women’s magazines.
2.A confident attitude towards life. Confidence indicates that you are successful and are to be trusted. When you trust yourself, others will as well. Women will trust you with themselves
3.Physical height. Height provides a sense of security and comfort which is very attractive to women. Being taller is also a dominant trait which is attractive. Ultimately, if you are short but can provide a feeling of security and comfort, this will be equivalent to height.
The best guide to creating attraction regardless of height is Double Your Dating.
4.Physical strength, muscles. Being muscular provides a sense of excitement and security in women. It also alludes to dominance which will seduce most women.
5.Being funny. Laughter makes people feel more comfortable and happy. Also, when people are laughing at your jokes, you immediately gain social status which is attractive. If you can make her laugh, you’re half way there. Read how to make a girl smile.
6.Being witty. This is very attractive as it alludes to being smart, and intelligence is attractive to women. If you are dating then wit will be a big part of your evening.
7.Being wealthy.Wealth indicates power, security, comfort and even excitement. This is very attractive to women whom crave all these feelings.
8.Being playful. Playfulness means that you are fun to be with, consequently triggering feelings of attraction in women.
9.Being touchy. Human touch is a powerful way to trigger feelings of attraction. Naturally touchy people have a lot more sex than people whom refrain from human contact. This is important when you flirt with a girl.
10.Bravery. Being brave, alert in emergency situations is very attractive and indicates that you will be able to protect her from danger.
11.Being excited about life. The energy that people emit when they are excited about living is contagious and very attractive.
12.Being unavailable. People want what they can’t get. Being hard ( but not impossible! ) to get is attractive.
13.A cocky smile is attractive. Cocky smiles, demonstrated in movies such as James Bond and Top Gun triggers feelings of confidence and dominance which is extremely arousing. Read up on how to pick up girls for more information.
14.Genuine smiles in general are attractive. As long as they are a reaction to something that occurred and not because you are being polite or awkward.
15.Being concentrated on a task is attractive to women. If a woman can watch you while you are completely involved in a task, then she is likely to be attracted to you. Examples of this can be her watching you paint, play an instrument, anything you do well that requires full absolute concentration on your part.
16.Playing an instrument is attractive to women. Wonder why the rock stars get the girls… there are many reasons but those whom play music are automatically ranked more attractive than those who don’t.
17.Being famous.If you’re famous, then by definition a lot of people know you. If a lot of people know you, you are therefore important. Being important is very attractive to women.
18.Not caring. A care free attitude is liberating and very attractive.
19.Being well dressed. Wearing nice clothes demonstrate social status; accentuate your physical features and shows that you take care of yourself.
20.Unique accessories that match our personality. In our society, accessories that stand out provoke curiosity, confidence and will attract women. “What’s that necklace you are wearing”, says the girl at the bar. That is one of the dating tips for how to attract women.
21.Shoes that are in style. The first thing that most girls notice in guys is what kind of shoes they are wearing. Shoes speak more about you than all clothes. You can be wearing a diaper on your head, jeans from the 80’s… but if you’re wearing brand new shoes that are in style, girls will automatically see you as attractive. If you don’t have the shoes… get them.
22.Well fitting shirts. Baggy shirts are out! Shirts should complement your body and show off your features. Now I’m not talking about spandex, but regular well fitting shirts. You know why suits look good? Because they are tailored to fit you perfectly. This is attractive to women.
23.A deep, commanding voice. Your voice says a lot about you, literally. The next time you strike up a chat with a woman, don’t sound squeaky.
24.Body posture. Within 1 second, just from how you stand, women will judge you as attractive or not. Good body posture indicates that you are a healthy mate and is very attractive to women. Lean back.
25.Human smell. Sweat, at a very basic level, is very attractive to women. It triggers feeling of arousal in women. However, don’t go too far and stink. That’s repelling.
26.Some light, musky cologne. These smells will mimic the natural smell that males produce and used lightly, will arouse some females.
27.Leadership. Being a leader is very attractive to women, it demonstrates social status and importance. Make decisions, lead the pack.
28.Being dominant. Women are naturally submissive, and men should be naturally dominant. Unfortunately with all our yoga classes and hormonal milk, this has changed in the past century.
29.Being dangerous. Danger is hot, exciting, energizing and can be very addictive. Women love the bad boy.
30.Being intelligent. Intelligence, demonstrated by high grades, an impressive line of studies or career is very attractive.
31.Being good with animals. Being good with living things indicates that you will be a good mate, capable of protecting and caring for any offspring you could potentially have. This is very attractive.
32.Being good with kids. Same as above.
33.Being genuinely interested in her. People love people whom are interested in them. If you genuinely want to know what makes her tick, this will be attractive.
34.Being the best, in a group of men. If you are the best out of the competing men, then out of that group, you will be the most attractive to women.
35.Being disciplined. People want to be surrounded by competent individuals. If you are able to control yourself when she can’t, she will see you as having a lot of willpower. This demonstrates that you are in control of your life.
36.Not taking life too seriously. Having the gift to be able to laugh at life and embrace it as an enjoyable experience. You don’t have to think about marriage every time you talk to a girl.
37.Being positive. Positive people are attractive. If you can show her the sunny side of things, she will thank you for it.
38.Being a little selfish. Being slightly selfish indicates that you care a lot about yourself and your well being. This relates to confidence and importance which are attractive. Don’t be a martyr.
39.Being generous. The complete opposite of being selfish, being generous can be attractive as well because it demonstrates that you are not needy and that you are wealthy. Note! Being generous does NOT mean you should buy things for people so they like you… this is not attractive. A good example of being generous would be, if you’re with friends, you could purchase the pitcher of drinks. This subconsciously communicates that you are in charge, dominant and wealthy.
40.Spontaneity. Very attractive, alludes to excitement.
41.Good hair. Having nice, healthy and well groomed hair shows that you take care of yourself.
42.Trimmed nails. Women notice, if you take care of yourself, she’ll appreciate it.
43.A slight tan. These days, a tan indicates that you wealthy and physically healthy.
44.Relaxed attitude. Being relaxed shows a lot of confidence.
45.Being driven. If you know what you want in life, and you’re pursuing it, this is attractive.
46.Nice teeth. It is very important to have nice teeth, women think about it every time they consider kissing you.
47.Having nice possessions, such as a car, house or a boat. These indicate wealth, excitement and power, all of which are attractive.
48.A sense of adventure. If you’re curious about life, and are willing to take risks. You can lure her into your world and she’ll be happy to follow you past her limits.
49.Honesty. Being able to speak the truth is difficult and shows that you have accepted who you are as a person. It also shows that you don’t care what others think, which is very attractive.
50.Whispering in her ear. The sense of secrecy, mysteriousness and excitement that comes from a whisper is very attractive.
51.Being busy. If you are busy, then you are important, independent and have a life.
52.Being a man. Women love men who do manly things, stop doing yoga and go play a sport, hit the gym and get dirty.
53.Having a nice butt. A sexy fitness indicator, attainable through the gym.
54.Pre-selection. If other women want you, then there must be a reason. Having many people want you makes you attractive. You aren’t a guy who has time to look at personals.
55.Being genuine. Say what you mean and do what you say. This is hard, but attractive.
56.Physically picking her up. Ever heard of sweeping her off her feet? This is it.
57.Touching her hair. There is something about having your hair touched that is relaxing and arousing at the same time.
58.A nice face. Women love men with an attractive face. That’s what she’ll be kissing and you better believe it makes a difference.
59.Originality. Women crave excitement, originality provides that. Seduction is never the same and being original is an essential part of it.
60.Experience. Maturity can be very arousing; if you know what you’re doing she’ll appreciate it and you’ll get laid more often.
61.Speaking to her true self. If you can see past the walls that most people put and truly speak to the real person inside of them, you’ll be one of the few that understands them. This makes you very important.
62.Independence. People don’t like neediness, being independent shows that you are self sufficient and can take care of yourself.
63.Teasing her. Playfulness, excitement, she loves it.
64.Composure. If you can keep your cool under stressful situations, she’ll notice.
65.Being selective. If you are selective, then it implies that you aren’t needy and are valuable enough to want many people want you.
66.Being challenging. Playing hard to get is as true for women as it is for men. People want what they can’t have, and if they have to work for something, they’ll appreciate it much more.
67.Focus. If you know what you want, and are determined to get it, then that’s attractive.
68.Modesty. No one likes a show-off. Being modest is great, and attractive. There is nothing better than a girl finding out something good about you through a friend.
69.Muscular abs. An indicator of health.
70.Being natural. If you’re genuine about how you feel, without caring what others think, then that’s attractive. You want to know if people can handle the real you.
71.Charismatic. If your spoken words and gestures can warm up a room, she’ll notice and be warmed up as well. If she doesn’t, her matchmaking friend will tell her about you.
72.Sensual. Some people are frigid and cold. Some people are warm and very alert to their senses. If you are in tune with your body, you’ll likely be in tune with hers as well.
73.A man that loves to have fun. Everyone wants to be around a guy who enjoys himself, be that guy.
74.Goes against the rest of society. No one likes a follower. If you have a conviction about something, stick with it. Make up your own mind about things and people will respect you.
75.Caring. Compassion and caring show that you will be a good father and is therefore very attractive.
76.Persistent. If you go after your goals, other will notice. This is very attractive as it shows will power that not many people have.
77.Being respected. If your entourage respects you, then she will as well.
78.Loyal. People do not want to get hurt, and will avoid you if aren’t loyal. It is better to remain single than to get into a relationship you don’t plan on staying in.
79.Romance. Spicing it up in a relationship is critical and attractive. Don’t always do the same thing because it will get boring really fast.
80.Drama. Ever wonder why women love soap opera’s? It is because they crave drama, gossip, secrets. It is exciting and attractive. If you have an eventful life, people will be attracted to it.
81.The way you move. If you have calm, controlled and relaxed gestures, then you will be seen as someone that is confident.
82.A mysterious grin. There’s something about a grin that arouses curiosity and intrigue.
83.Being extravagant. Sometimes going over the top is good, if you can let yourself go from time to time, people will notice.
84.Loving yourself. If you truly love yourself for who you are, then others will as well.
85.Being a teacher. Have you ever wondered why so many girls have crushes on their teachers? It is because being a teacher is a sign of power and knowledge, be a teacher.
86.Clean, clear skin. Physically, nice skin is a health indicator and women will naturally be attracted to healthy looking skin.
87.Being energetic. Have you ever heard the expression, “he was the life of the party” This is energy, its contagious and most people don’t have enough of it. It is very attractive.
88.Being passionate. Be in the moment and enjoy life every day. It’s not about the destination, but about the journey. You’ll find your true love along the way.
89.Quick mind. If you can think on your feet, and are quick to reply to her playful teases, you’ll be seen as smart and alert. A woman would rather be with a man that stimulates her intellectually rather than someone who is brain dead. It is much better to find something original to say on the spot rather than to use pick up lines.
90.Attentive to details. It’s the little things that matter, if you notice that she’s done something different with her hair when no one else does, she will appreciate and be attracted to that.
91.Convicted and has strong beliefs. Be opinionated about things. If you ask someone a question about a topic and they have something interested to say about it, that’s attractive. Be opinionated.
92.Being in tune with her. Being in tune with someone is one of the biggest factors in relationships. Have you ever felt chemistry? Have you ever felt like you were on the same wavelength? If you and your partner are similar (and you should!) this will come naturally and will be one of the most attractive traits. The same applies for meeting women during the day or night. If you’re picking up a girl in a club, then high energy is appropriate because your energy will be matching hers. If you arrive with high energy during the day and she is reading in the library, this will clash.
93.Being attentive to details in your life. Are you meticulous? Being attentive to the details in your life will mean that you will pay attention to the details in her life.
94.Being knowledgeable about various subjects. If you are versatile, then you’ll never be short of conversational topics. Being flexible and able to adapt to all kinds of situations is attractive. Go read some books.
95.Innocence. It’s no fun when you know everything, have tried everything and have been to the edge and back. A little bit of innocence is attractive because it makes you more human. There’s always something that you haven’t tried, let her know and invite you to try it with you. Asking for her advice is alright as well.
96.Challenging her. Forcing her to be on her toes, teasing her, is exciting and attractive.
97.Be a planner. If you are always organising events, you are automatically the leader that has a high social status and a lot of energy. This is very attractive; everyone wants to be invited to outings.
98.Being open. Tell her about your life, the real one. Cut the B.S. and you’ll stand out as someone who’s not trying to prove anything to anyone.
99.Being direct. Being direct is very powerful and attractive. People use indirect methods because they want to ‘feel things out’ and not get hurt. Being direct shows that you are confident, bold and not scared of rejection.
100.Be yourself, the good yourself. You shouldn’t try to pretend to be something that you aren’t. You should grow and continually improve, but remain genuine. Don’t hide your faults, everyone has them. The old saying,” be yourself” is very true and is ultimately what will attract the woman of your dreams.

Does it mean that you have to be all these things in order to attract beautiful women into your life? No way! The universe has a weird way of working and you’ll be attracted to the one you were meant to be with. She’ll love your faults, your weaknesses and your strengths. Have faith, believe in destiny and you shall meet your soul mate. You’ll know it when it happens.

5 Things guys hate to hear

We asked a group of men what they hate to hear from the ladies they're dating. From ex-talks to fat-questions, men agreed across the board on the things that women say that irk them.

“My Ex used to...”

Whether you’re a boy or a girl, straight or gay, this gets old. When it comes to the person you’re dating, they don’t need to hear about your exes. It’s one thing to mention one or two things, but don’t make it a habit of saying, “my ex used to...” “I ended things with a girl who was notorious for [this],” says Jeremy, a 30-year-old single man. “If he had nothing to do with me, why bring him up all the time? Your focus should be on me now.”

“Do I look fat?”

Or anything that solicits a similar reaction, for that matter. Ladies, don’t ask your man, “Do I look fat?” if you’re going to hate a particular answer. “My girlfriend asks me if she looks fat in almost everything she puts on before we go to a big party or something, and it always ends up starting a fight,” says Alex, who’s been with his girlfriend for two years now. “It’s not like I call her fat, but the question gets old after awhile, so when she asks, I just don’t answer anymore.” The silent treatment Alex gives his girlfriend infuriates her and they end up arguing before every big party or event they have to go to. “It’s not fun,” he says.

Fishing for compliments

“My mom, my sisters and my girlfriends used to all do this,” says Jim, who’s now happily married. “They’d knock themselves down or talk down their accomplishments. For awhile I didn’t understand what it was all about, then I realized they just want me to tell them how great they are.” Jim says this annoyed him more than anything -- he prefers a woman who’s not passive-aggressive and tells it like it is. “My wife is a straight shooter -- she tells me what she wants to hear, so there’s no fishing involved,” he adds. “It’s heaven.”

“Hi, brother”

As it turns out, gay or straight, this one bodes for everyone. Mike, a gay man, was in a car with three other gays and a straight man when we asked him “what guys hate to hear.” His committee of friends answered as a collective: “Guys hate to hear ‘you’re like a brother to me.’ It means [you’re not getting any] booty,” they say. “If you’re on ‘brother status,’ it’s time to move on.” So ladies, if you really like the guy you’re dating, don’t compare or liken him to your brother. That’s relationship suicide in guy world -- gay or straight.
Silence and secrets

For Purnell, who’s currently on a girl hiatus, it’s not so much about what girls say. It’s about what they’ve left out. “It's usually what you don't hear that ends up complicating things, right?” Purnell points out. “Once I dated a girl who, after we stopped dating, revealed that she had been on anti-depressants throughout our short-lived relationship.” For Purnell, this information would’ve been significant and useful when they were dating. “The patterns I noticed -- lethargy, passivity -- that eventually turned me off may have been induced by [medication] and may not have reflected her true character,” he realizes. “I'll never know.”

When to listen to your friends

When it comes to you and your man, your friends will either think you're a perfect match or a match made in hell. Do they say things like, 'He's not right for you' or 'You're different around him'? They could have your best interests at heart -- or they could just be jealous. Here's when you should listen to your sistahs' gripes about your significant other and when you should tell them to back off.
"Some key signs that girlfriends should look out for is if they see your boyfriend talk negatively about you to them behind your back, if he checks out other women blatantly in front of them, or is flirtatious and even comes on to a friend," says love, dating and relationship expert Janice D. Bennett, Ph.D.

You should also listen to what your friends say about your man when:

1. You can't relax and be yourself

If you're always quiet around him when you're usually a motor mouth or if you skip the raunchy jokes so as not to offend him, there may be a problem.

2. You quit your yoga class

If your friends point out that you've missed the last month of workout classes or book club meetings, heed their concern. It could mean you are becoming too wrapped up in your BF's world. A good partner will encourage you to pursue your own hobbies and interests.

3. You no longer have an opinion on politics

…Or the war in Iraq, abortion, religion, etc. If you stifle your views to appease his, there's something strange going down.

4. he has become your only social life

You say you live your "own lives," but the truth is you seem happier and more carefree when you're with just your friends instead of your man.
Next: When to tell your BFFs to back off...
When it comes to you and your man, your friends will either think you're a perfect match or a match made in hell. Do they say things like, 'He's not right for you' or 'You're different around him'? They could have your best interests at heart -- or they could just be jealous. Here's when you should listen to your sistahs' gripes about your significant other and when you should tell them to back off.

When to fight back

"By the time someone is in their late 20s to early 30s, they should know which friends they can go to for specific kinds of help… So, I think that it's important to remember the source of the advice in order to know whose advice should be 'taken with a grain of salt,' vs. the person who is so loving and loyal that her advice and opinions are not just designed for her benefit," Dr. Bennett said.

Tell your pals thanks, but no thanks, when:

1. You feel comfortable and supported

He tells gross fart jokes -- and so do you. Your friends might find it nasty, but if you share a penchant for this type of humor, it's a sign you're well matched.

2. They're single and bitter

Is she saying she never sees you and ask for one-on-one time, even after you just went to the mall with her last weekend? Your friend might be lonely or jealous because she wants what you have.

3. They refuse to meet your partner

You can't pass judgment on someone you've never met. If your friend has nothing good to say when you relay stories about your guy, invite her to dinner with the two of you, so she can see what he's really like.

4. They don't care about your needs and desires

We've all had friends or family members who want us to marry a certain type (usually tall dark and handsome, with a law or medical degree and a time share in the Caribbean). If your man doesn't fit their mold, they might gripe about how "you can do better." The bottom line: if he supports you, makes you feel good, challenges you in the right ways and lets you be yourself, tell your loved ones that you're happy and they should be happy for you.

she knows.com

Once a liar always a liar?

Will a Liar Ever Change?

Being lied to by someone you love and felt you could trust is very painful and frustrating. You love your partner, so you find yourself forgiving his/her lies the first time, perhaps the second and third time as well, before you realize you are just involved with a liar. However, because you feel strongly for this person, it is not easy for you to break away, even though you know that is probably what is best for you. You hang on, with hope that things will change and he will not lie to you anymore. You justify staying with him by telling yourself that he is a good person and deep down you know he loves you- and that your relationship is wonderful and perfect- except when he lies.

What you need to ask yourself when this happens is: Do you consider a wonderful relationship one in which your partner lies to you? Is being lied to by a liar your idea of love and respect? When you are emotionally involved with someone, it is not always easy to ask and answer these logical questions. You often will make excuses for a liar, just to make yourself feel better about staying with someone who does not truly respect you. When your partner lies to you, it is because he does not respect you and is not as committed to the relationship as you would like to believe. Of course, there are different kinds of lies- little ones and big ones, but a lie is still a lie, no matter the size or reason for the lie. Look at it like this: if your partner can lie so easily over little things that are unnecessary to lie about, then you can be pretty sure that he/she will lie to you about bigger things that will really matter and damage the relationship.

What you need to ask yourself when this happens is: Do you consider a wonderful relationship one in which your partner lies to you? Is being lied to by a liar your idea of love and respect? When you are emotionally involved with someone, it is not always easy to ask and answer these logical questions. You often will make excuses for a liar, just to make yourself feel better about staying with someone who does not truly respect you. When your partner lies to you, it is because he does not respect you and is not as committed to the relationship as you would like to believe. Of course, there are different kinds of lies- little ones and big ones, but a lie is still a lie, no matter the size or reason for the lie. Look at it like this: if your partner can lie so easily over little things that are unnecessary to lie about, then you can be pretty sure that he/she will lie to you about bigger things that will really matter and damage the relationship.

How to say I Love You in 100 Languages

English - I love you
Afrikaans - Ek het jou lief
Albanian - Te dua
Arabic - Ana behibak (to male)
Arabic - Ana behibek (to female)
Armenian - Yes kez sirumen
Bambara - M'bi fe
Bangla - Aamee tuma ke bhalo baashi
Belarusian - Ya tabe kahayu
Bisaya - Nahigugma ako kanimo
Bulgarian - Obicham te
Cambodian - Soro lahn nhee ah
Cantonese Chinese - Ngo oiy ney a
Catalan - T'estimo
Cheyenne - Ne mohotatse
Chichewa - Ndimakukonda
Corsican - Ti tengu caru (to male)
Creol - Mi aime jou
Croatian - Volim te
Czech - Miluji te
Danish - Jeg Elsker Dig
Dutch - Ik hou van jou
Esperanto - Mi amas vin
Estonian - Ma armastan sind
Ethiopian - Afgreki'
Faroese - Eg elski teg
Farsi - Doset daram
Filipino - Mahal kita
Finnish - Mina rakastan sinua
French - Je t'aime, Je t'adore
Gaelic - Ta gra agam ort
Georgian - Mikvarh ar
German - Ich liebe dich
Greek - S'agapo
Gujarati - Hoo thunay prem karoo choo
Hiligaynon - Palangga ko ikaw
Hawaiian - Aloha wau ia oi
Hebrew - Ani ohev otah (to female)
Hebrew - Ani ohev et otha (to male)
Hiligaynon - Guina higugma ko ikaw
Hindi - Hum Tumhe Pyar Karte hae
Hmong - Kuv hlub koj
Hopi - Nu' umi unangwa'ta
Hungarian - Szeretlek
Icelandic - Eg elska tig
Ilonggo - Palangga ko ikaw
Indonesian - Saya cinta padamu
Inuit - Negligevapse
Irish - Taim i' ngra leat
Italian - Ti amo
Japanese - Aishiteru
Kannada - Naanu ninna preetisuththene
Kapampangan - Kaluguran daka
Kiswahili - Nakupenda
Konkani - Tu magel moga cho
Korean - Sarang Heyo
Latin - Te amo
Latvian - Es tevi miilu
Lebanese - Bahibak
Lithuanian - Tave myliu
Malay - Saya cintakan mu / Aku cinta padamu
Malayalam - Njan Ninne Premikunnu
Maltese - Inhobbok
Mandarin Chinese - Wo ai ni
Marathi - Me tula prem karto
Mohawk - Kanbhik
Moroccan - Ana moajaba bik
Nahuatl - Ni mits neki
Navaho - Ayor anosh'ni
Norwegian - Jeg Elsker Deg
Pandacan - Syota na kita!!
Pangasinan - Inaru Taka
Papiamento - Mi ta stimabo
Persian - Doo-set daaram
Pig Latin - Iay ovlay ouyay
Polish - Kocham Ciebie
Portuguese - Eu te amo
Romanian - Te ubesk
Russian - Ya tebya liubliu
Scot Gaelic - Tha gradh agam ort
Serbian - Volim te
Setswana - Ke a go rata
Sign Language - ,,,/ (represents position of fingers when signing 'I Love You')
Sindhi - Maa tokhe pyar kendo ahyan
Sioux - Techihhila
Slovak - Lu'bim ta
Slovenian - Ljubim te
Spanish - Te quiero / Te amo
Swahili - Ninapenda wewe
Swedish - Jag alskar dig
Swiss-German - Ich lieb Di
Tagalog - Mahal kita
Taiwanese - Wa ga ei li
Tahitian - Ua Here Vau Ia Oe
Tamil - Nan unnai kathalikaraen
Telugu - Nenu ninnu premistunnanu
Thai - Chan rak khun (to male)
Thai - Phom rak khun (to female)
Turkish - Seni Seviyorum
Ukrainian - Ya tebe kahayu
Urdu - Mai aap say pyaar karta hoo
Vietnamese - Anh ye^u em (to female)
Vietnamese - Em ye^u anh (to male)
Welsh - 'Rwy'n dy garu
Yiddish - Ikh hob dikh
Yoruba - Mo ni fe

Dating:Do's and Don'ts

So you've read my Why I hate the Bar Scene article and you are ready to enter the world of online adult dating. Here are some simple Do's and Dont's that, although simple, should help to provide you with a better online dating experience. (Note: These tips are strictly for romantic dating and not geared toward intimate dating)

DO:
Make sure you fill out all fields provided by the adult dating site you are becoming a member of to the best of your ability and as honestly as possible. Make sure you write a good amount of text about yourself and try to describe yourself and your interests the way you see them from your point of view. Let yourself be yourself. Make sure your personality shows through in your writing so that you can convey an accurate representation of who you are.

DON'T:
Adult dating sites can only give you back what you put into them. Don't write things like, "I will add more later". Do it now. You're right there so you may as well complete what you started. After all, you are there to meet people and if you are serious about finding a dating partner complete this process and show others that you are serious. Use complete sentences and complete words. Do not type things like, "cuz" or "b4" or "U".

DO:
Add a good, clear, bright photo to your profile. Add several, at least three. Take a shot inside and outside. The camera can be tricky sometimes and some people take a more accurate representation (better picture) of themselves either inside or outside.

DON'T:
Do not add a picture of yourself that is too dark. Nothing is more frustrating for adult dating site members than having to get real close to the monitor and squint there eyes in order to see what color your hair is. If you want to take a picture of dog, make sure you are also in the picture. I've seen many pictures on adult dating sites where there are four pictures available for viewing where the first picture is the person I'm interested in and the next three are of their dog. I'm not here to date their dog. Also, DO NOT upload a picture of you with your neighbors or friend's child! They may not appreciate you putting a picture of their child on the Internet and, after all, this is an adult dating site, not a child pageantry.

DO:
Write a good subject line. Write a subject line that stands out. Adult dating site members can receive quite a bit of email, so you want to stand out from the crowd. Remember, the subject line is the first thing visible.

DON'T:
Do not leave the generic subject line that is automatically generated when creating a new email. Doing so will make you look lazy or imply that you do not have much to say or are unoriginal. It does not mean that you are, however, this is something the reader may extrapolate.

DO:
Write something interesting, perhaps about yourself. Make sure you end the initial email with a question or two to make it easier for the recipient to reply with follow up correspondence. Also, sign the email with your name. Doing so makes the entire adult dating process more personable and "real".

DON'T:
If you want to receive a reply, don't simply write "hi, I like your profile" in your initial correspondence. Doing so is extremely flat and does not exactly warrant a reply from the recipient. If you do get a reply, it may consist of a simple "thanks". At that point, you are back to square one and have basically wasted time and also have diminished the chance of another reply.

DO:
Be polite! Remember, these are real people with real feelings. You are at an adult dating site with other people who are mutually looking to meet. If you are serious about meeting other singles, be respectful. Wouldn't you expect the same?

DON'T:
Do not be lewd! Women especially are not receptive to such initial correspondence. If you are not here for dating and are looking more for a sexual dating encounter or "hook up", you are in the wrong place. If you are looking for sites that cater to sexual adult dating, have a look here for a list of sites that will accommodate you.

These are just a few, brief tips I've put together. I will write more tips soon. I hope these simple tips will get you started and enhance your online adult dating experience.

Teen Dating: Parents Care

Parents should be aware of the people that their teens come in contact with regularly online, especially if the teen begins dating online. Sometimes it can be hard to prevent a teenager from falling for someone online, but steps can be taken to guarantee the safety of the teen. If the potential partner is genuine, he will not be concerned if the parents drop their teen off at the meeting place and check the stranger out.

Any type of dating is potentially dangerous, especially online dating and even more particularly, teen online dating. There are many predators out there in the online world just waiting to prey on unsuspecting young people, and it is important for parents and teens alike to understand the potential dangers that await them online. It is very easy for people to fall for someone that they have been chatting with online, and the same can be true for teen online dating. There are a lot of online teen dating sites on the Internet; some are free and others require payment, but there are still a lot of choices out there and finding a reputable site can be overwhelming.

Basic Tips on Protecting Teens When Dating Online

Parents need to make a conscious effort to protect their teens that are using the Internet. The parents need to make the teens aware of the dangers in talking to strangers online, and they should make sure that they know where their teen is at all times. It is too easy for a teenager to meet someone on an online teen dating site and agree to meet, only to find that the person is not as young or good looking as he claimed. Parents should be aware of the people that their teens come in contact with regularly online, especially if the teen begins dating online. Sometimes it can be hard to prevent a teenager from falling for someone online, but steps can be taken to guarantee the safety of the teen. If the potential partner is genuine, he will not be concerned if the parents drop their teen off at the meeting place and check the stranger out.

Teens should always have phone contact before meeting up with anyone. If they really want to meet up with someone from a teen online dating site, the parents should know the location and preferably attend the first meeting with their son or daughter.

Before the meeting, the teen should make telephone contact with the person and never give out their home address. After the meeting, the teen should be collected to make sure he or she is not followed home. Your teen should never be alone with the stranger, even if the person appears to have been telling the truth about themselves. In cases of harassment or stalking, there are organizations that are designed to help with specific cases like this. If a parent is suspicious of the person who is meeting up with their teen, then they should definitely contact the police and keep a close eye on their teen in future.

What do men look for in a woman?

What men look for in women is not always easily identifiable and will differ from one man to another. While some men prefer statuesque blondes with interests in healthy lifestyles, others lean towards studious, dark haired women who are charitable and environmentally consious. Other men just simply want a warm body and someone who listens.

Men are not always easy to understand. We spend more time protecting our egos than allowing ourselves to be honest about what we really want in a relationship. Men visit strip clubs to get aroused, but would never want the woman in our lives taking clothes off for other men. We would never admit to reading relationship manuals, but few of us know how to get them right. What's even worse is that we take advice from friends, who also fail terribly at their relationship.


Deep inside, we want the same things most women want. To love, and be loved by the one person who makes our hearts flutter out of control. We want to establish happy, healthy lives and grow old with that special someone. The woman who can walk that delicate balance of allowing us to keep our egos intact while stimulating us emotionally, intellectually, and sexually will have us eating out of the palms of their hands. Here are some of the things that men really look for in a woman.

Initial Attraction

Most men initially view a woman as a potential sex partner. We are attracted to both her femininity and her sensuality. We want a woman who exudes both, without being too much of either. For many men, seeing a woman wearing too little is way too much, even though it'll attract our attention. If a woman appears too easy, our subconscious leads us to believe that she'll be easy for the next guy, too. Men like to have something left to the imagination. We may fantasize about bad girls, but we wouldn't want to bring one home to meet the family.

Dating

Men (like most women) like to be seduced, but the seduction must be subtle. We still like to think that we're in charge. We like to feel as though we're calling the shots, even when we have no clue as to what shots to call. In other words, after we stretch our creative capabilities with the most awe inspiring night imaginable, we'll need help. It's OK to drop hints, then allow us to pretend that it was our idea in the first place. Men want a woman who can let us be strong, even after she's aware of our weaknesses. Someone to fill the void of our frailties, making us stronger than we could be alone. You must understand though,that we'd never admit to not being able to handle anything that comes up. It's just in our psychological makeup.

Men prefer women who will take them into consideration. Someone who understands that he wanted to give you her a dozen roses, but his budget could only afford six. The shopping trip to New York and a night on Broadway may be expected from an attorney who just made partner, but it's out of the question for a guy working at the mall. Furthermore, it's embarrassing to say that we can't afford it.


Commitment

Men are afraid of commitment. We'll go into battle to fight bravely for our country, hunt big game on safari, but the thought of being with one woman for the rest of our lives makes us as timid as a rabbit. When we do commit, we're never sure that we can live up to it, even though we have every intention to.

We make commitments because we've met someone who we really like, and we want to take them off the market before she gets away. It's sort of like a woman finding a dress on sale, and buys it only because it may not be there next week. A hot commodity does not stay on the market very long. We think we are ready to settle down, but we leave the possibility open that someone else may come along. Ultimately, we like having options.

When we do commit, we want a woman who is much more emotionally and psychologically stable than we are. We like to think that she'll remain faithful, put up with our leaving the toilet seat up and other flaws, wake up stunning in the morning, and never gain weight. We want a woman who never complains, allows us to watch the game without interrupting, cooks every day after getting home from work, and provides us with unequaled passion.

In reality, the bottom line is that real men appreciate real women. Someone strong, but she can allow us to lead. Someone intelligent, but still willing to grow. Someone who understands our vision, and is willing to help direct us toward it. Someone sensual, but devoted only to us.

We want a woman who tries her best, but can ask for help if she needs it. A woman who contributes to the relationship, not just looks for what she can get out of it. She can go out with her friends, but prefers being with her man. And we want a woman who doesn't get caught up in the drama of other people's lives. Instead, she leaves a positive impression wherever she goes.

How to know if someone likes you romantically

There are advantages to knowing when someone likes you romantically. Understanding their feelings for you can give you a chance to think about your own and whether they match up with the other persons. If they do you can have confidence in encouraging them romantically. If your feelings differ however, you can be sensitive to their feelings and be careful not to encourage them.

Body language

When someone likes you romantically they will send out subtle non-verbal clues via their body language. The most definite form of body language which will signal that a person fancies you will be preening gestures. A girls may twist her hair in her fingers or flick her hair back as she speaks. She may also play with her shoes when sitting cross legged and laugh and giggle as she listens attentively to what you have to say.

A guy who fancies you may straighten his tie reguarly and keep checking his appearance or touching his hair. He will gaze at you, as opposed to merely looking at you and will hold eye contact with you slightly longer than usual. He may also automatically raise his eyebrows when he first sees you.

Behaviour

The behaviour of someone who fancies you will be different than that of a friend in that they will be extra attentive, perhaps phoning or emailing you several times a day, just to say something trivial. They may hang around places they are aware you frequent more than usual and arrange to go events you mention you will be attending.

A person who likes you romantically may want to treat you to things they wouldn't normally treat a friend to so often. They may offer to take you to a show they know you can't afford to see, or keep buying you cup cakes or flowers. They will also think of you a great deal, so much so that during their every daily life they pick up little nic knacks for you, such as a book they thought you may like or something they hope you will find amusing or beautiful.

When a person fancies you they will be very drawn to you physically, and may make excuses to get closer to you. They may offer to fix your clothing to make it straight or to brush the hair out of your eyes. When walking you may feel their physical presence next to you as they invade your personal space.

Verbal speech

A person who is romantically attracted to you is likely to be very interested in you. They will ask you about your past, and may be particularly interested in your romantic history. They are likely to fish for information to try and find out if they stand a chance of becoming involved in a relationship with you themselves. They will want to know where you are going and who you will be with, so that they can figure out if there is anyone already special in your life.

if you are not sure if a guy or a girl fancies you ask yourself some questions. Do they pay you more attention than anyone else? Are they acting out of the ordinary? Do they seem to want to spend a great deal of time with you? Are they giving a lot of emotional energy to you? If you answer yes to these questions the chances are that they are attracted to you romantically.

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What is blind dating?

A blind date occurs when someone has a date set up for him or her through a third party. Often, the third party is a friend or coworker who knows both people well and believes that they would make a great couple and get along well.

When a friend or coworker urges you to go on a blind date, it's worth considering, particularly if they know you well. If they know the other party as well, they might be right about you two connecting. Even if you don't get along as well as you hope, he or she might have a single friend who would be a better match for you.

Blind dates come in two kinds: the type where you don't have any idea what the person looks like, and the type where you have seen a picture or profile of the other person. Either way, you won't have met or spoken to the other person before, so you'll have to rely on your friend or coworker's judgment that the two of you would be a good fit.

It's normal to be nervous before any kind of date, but particularly a blind date, since you don't know if the person will like you or if you will like the other person. Try to relax and take a deep breath. At the worst, you'll be out a little money and an evening of time, but you might also find your life partner! If you two agree that you wouldn't get along very well for dating, you might get along fine as friends and be able to match up one of your friends with the other party, or vice versa.

Try to get as much information as possible about the other person before the date from your mutual friend. Any hint as to his or her interests, career, personal life and personality is useful. Make a careful mental note of everything you learn and mention or inquire about it at some point.

Take the blind date to an interesting spot where it'll be easy to break the ice between you - a movie, walk in a public park, or coffeehouse/bakery are all good choices that will give you something else to discuss while you get to know each other.

Treat the blind date like you would any other date - ask questions, make conversation, and try to be a pleasant, gentleman- or lady-like person and you'll have a better chance of attracting the other party's interest. Even if the guy or girl isn't your type, be polite and friendly and you might find a very good friend.

The Missing Ingredient: What Relationships Really Need

Relationships fail all around us every day - between spouses, lovers, siblings, friends, and co-workers, among others. But despite an abundance of self-assured finger-pointing, the people involved rarely have any idea what actually went wrong. As a result, many people seem to be caught in an endless cycle of disappointment and unhappiness, blindly repeating the same mistakes.

Lisa came to see me because she was having problems with her fiancé, Doug. It was obvious that she was angry at him. "We met almost a year ago," she said, "and we fell in love right away. I knew he was the one for me. We never spent a minute apart that first month. But now he seems to look for reasons to be away from me, and we seem to fight all the time. I don't treat him any differently, but he sure doesn't treat me the way he used to. I don't understand it."

Lisa had been married once before, to Christopher, and the story was similar. They had fallen in love immediately, and within six months they were married and certain they would be ecstatically happy for the rest of their lives. But in the first year of their marriage, there were already signs that the magic of their relationship was escaping them. They began to find fault with each other over little things. Roses and kisses gradually gave way to expectations and disappointments, each of which left a wound and then a scar. Slowly, the excitement of being in love became a distant memory. Unable to find the happiness they sought, they divorced after eight years of marriage.

Lisa had tried very hard to make her relationship with Christopher work. She'd tried sacrifice, pleading, complaining, compromise, self-help books, professional counseling, and visits to her minister, but nothing she did seemed to help. And because she didn't see why her relationship had failed, she was doomed to repeat her mistakes with Doug and to continue being unhappy. We can all benefit from understanding Lisa's experience, because it's typical of the pattern seen in virtually every unhappy relationship - not only between spouses, but also between friends, family members, people in the workplace, and so on. We've all had the experience of starting a relationship that seemed promising, only to have something go wrong that we didn't understand, and when that happened, we were left feeling disappointed or worse. We must understand what happens in these situations, or we'll repeat the process again and again.

When we're unhappy, it seems natural for us to blame a partner - a spouse, a friend, a child, even a relative stranger - for our feelings, mainly because that's what everyone else does. All our lives we've heard variations of statements like "You make me so mad," or "He makes me so angry," until we've come to believe that other people have the power to determine how we feel. Because other people have often pointed out how their anger was caused by our mistakes, we have learned to justify our anger by pointing out the mistakes of others. And because people are always making mistakes, it's easy to find justification for our blaming and anger.

Sadly, it's a common pattern: If we become unhappy in our relationships, we turn our partners into scapegoats for everything we don't like, and we blame them for all the unhappiness in our lives, including the unhappiness we carried with us for the many years before we even met them. But we are mistaken to blame our partners for our negative feelings. It's just the excuse we use because we feel bad, we don't know why, and we need someone other than ourselves to blame. Until we understand that, we cannot learn to have truly loving and lasting relationships.

The Missing Ingredient

Imagine that after a violent storm, you and I are shipwrecked on a barren island in the middle of the ocean. After a week with nothing to eat, I begin to complain that you're not doing enough to provide food for me, and the hungrier I become, the more I complain. Not an hour goes by that I don't remind you that I'm starving and you are to blame.

You must think I'm insane. Obviously you didn't cause my hunger. I'm starving because a storm wrecked our ship and left us stranded on an island without food - and you had nothing to do with any of that. My blaming you is not only wrong, it's ineffective, because it does nothing to help solve our predicament. Two starving people with no source of food cannot possibly give each other what they need, and no amount of anger or blame can change that.

And so it is with relationships. When we're unhappy, our misery is not the fault of our partner. Blaming that person is therefore foolish, wasteful, and destructive, because no matter how much we demand or insist, he or she cannot make us happy. We're unhappy because we're starving for the one ingredient that's most essential to genuine happiness, and it was missing long before we met our partner.

That ingredient - the one thing that creates happiness and fulfilling relationships - is Real Love, unconditional love. It's that simple. When we learn what Real Love is, and when we find it, our unhappiness disappears just as surely as hunger vanishes in the presence of food. Loving relationships then become natural and effortless. But most of us have not experienced Real Love. As a result, we're emotionally and spiritually starving and are unable to make each other happy, no matter how hard we try.

Real Love and Genuine Happiness

It's Real Love when other people care about our happiness without any concern for themselves. They're not disappointed or angry when we make our foolish mistakes, when we don't do what they want, or even when we inconvenience them personally.

Sadly, few of us have either given or received that kind of love, and without it we experience a terrible void in our lives, which we try to fill with money, power, food, approval, sex, and entertainment. But no matter how much of those substitutes we acquire, we remain empty, alone, afraid, and angry, because the one thing we really need is Real Love. Without it, we can only be miserable; with it, our happiness is guaranteed.


When I use the word happiness, I do not mean the fleeting pleasure we get from money, sex, and conditional approval. Nor do I mean the brief feeling of relief we experience during the temporary absence of conflict or disaster. Real happiness is not the feeling we get from being entertained or making people do what we want. Genuine happiness is a profound and lasting sense of peace and fulfillment that deeply satisfies and enlarges the soul. It doesn't go away when circumstances get difficult. It survives and even grows through hardship and struggle. True happiness is our entire reason to live, and that kind of happiness can only be obtained as we find Real Love and share it with others. With Real Love, nothing else matters; without it, nothing else is enough.

The greatest fear of all for a human being is to be unloved and alone. As a physician, I saw that confirmed many times by people who knew they were dying. Those people were consistently more afraid that no one cared about them and that they would die alone than they were of death itself. We all have a deep yearning to feel connected to each other, and when that connection is missing, we are terrified.

When someone is genuinely concerned about our happiness, we do feel that connection to another person. We feel included in his or her life, and in that instant we are no longer alone. Each moment of unconditional acceptance creates a living thread to the person who accepts us, and these threads weave a powerful bond that fills us with a genuine and lasting happiness. Nothing but Real Love can do that. In addition, when we know that even one person loves us unconditionally, we feel a connection to everyone else. We feel included in the family of all mankind, of which that one person is a part.

Because so few of us have ever experienced unconditional love in our lives, and because the effect is so powerful, I want to give you a small taste of it. I encourage you to slow down right now and really take your time as you read the next four paragraphs. If possible, read them in a room by yourself and take the time to contemplate them deeply as you open your mind to the possibilities they suggest.

Picture yourself relaxing in the back of a chauffeur-driven car. You're on the way to a town two hours away. It's a small town you've never visited. In fact, no one knows about this place but you and the people who live there. Although it's a beautiful place situated in a lovely valley, you're not going there to see the sights. You're going because everyone there is genuinely happy. They're happy because they all feel loved. In this place there is no fear or anger. And you're going because they've invited you.

As you pull up to the house where you'll stay, dozens of people surround your car, touch you gently, help you into the house, ask about your trip, and look at you in a way you've never seen or felt before. You sense with absolute certainty that the only concern of everyone in that town is your happiness. Because they have everything that really matters in life - because they feel loved and happy themselves - they don't need you to do anything for them, and you know that. So you know there is nothing you can do to disappoint them or hurt them.

As you communicate with these new friends, you can see that it doesn't matter to them whether you're smart or pretty or handsome. You don't have to do anything to impress them or get them to like you. They truly don't care if you say something stupid or if you make mistakes. It finally and powerfully occurs to you that it's impossible to be embarrassed or ashamed around these people - because they love you no matter what you do.

That is the feeling of being unconditionally loved - and many of us simply can't imagine it, even as a mental exercise. We've been judged, criticized, and conditionally supported for so long that the idea of being unconditionally accepted is inconceivable. But I have seen what happens when people consistently take the steps that lead to finding Real Love, which I'll be discussing in the following chapters. For now I simply want to assure you that you, too, can find this kind of happiness and that it will utterly transform your life. I ask you to temporarily put your doubts on the shelf and allow for the possibility that Real Love exists, and that you can find it. I make that suggestion because in an atmosphere of skepticism and fear, you cannot experience Real Love, even when it's offered.

Feeling loved and becoming unconditionally loving doesn't happen all at once. You won't lose your fear, pain, disappointment, and anger overnight. Experiencing Real Love takes time and patience, and you'll stumble and fall along the way, as I do every day. But the journey is well worth every effort. This is not a fantasy. Thousands of people have successfully used this simple process to find Real Love, genuine happiness, and fulfilling relationships.

At this point, you may be thinking, But we can't just unconditionally love people when they're wrong. Somebody has to speak up when mistakes are made. And it's true that we sometimes do have the responsibility to teach and correct people - children and employees, for example. But that never has to be done with disappointment and anger, the two signs that always reveal that our true motivation is to get something for ourselves - and that is not Real Love.

You might also be worried that loving unconditionally would turn you into a doormat, to be used by everyone around you. But loving people unconditionally does not mean you have the responsibility to give them everything they want. That would just be indulgent and irresponsible. When we love people unconditionally, we accept them as they are and contribute to their happiness as wisely as we can. That does not imply that we respond to their every demand.

Meeting the parents

Terrified of your first encounter with your new man's parents? Fear not, Etiquette for Girls, written by Fleur Britten and published by Debrett's, tells you how to navigate potential in-law territory, make him proud and leave them all gushing about 'what a lovely young lady you are'

It's quite a gesture on his part and one that might suggest some commitment. Not only that, but here's an opportunity to gauge your boyfriend's prospective hairline count by seeing his father's. Of course, you'll be assessed for suitability to continue the family bloodline. Just display some proto-mothering skills in the kitchen and the rest only calls for a good balance between being yourself and best behaviour.

Sniff out background information in advance. Are they strict or relaxed? Will it be lunch for 20 on the verandah and dinner in tails, or TV dinners and hourly altercations? Any no-go conversational topics (e.g. neighbours from hell, black sheep) and any specialist subjects?

Rather boringly, it's best to dress on the conservative side. Present yourself as a fine, upstanding young lady, and lure them in with elegant presentation. Overdressing is un-relaxing for you and intimidating to them, while any scruffy or ripped clothes will prompt 'youth of today' accusations. Packing both smart and casual outfits should cover you for all eventualities.

It's handshakes and Mr/Mrs to you until invited otherwise. Remember, their rulebook is older than yours. Failing to take a present is an oversight by their book and a wasted chance for brownie points. Nothing too adventurous, so a plant and a decent bottle of wine will suffice; be more original if you dare.

You may detect hostility from the mother for threatening to take away her boy, but ignore awkward passive aggression and be the pro-houseguest. Step up interpersonal skills and table manners, and affect total disinterest in your mobile. Mucking in is imperative and serves as a good icebreaker. Take the initiative with basic chores, so don't offer to wash up, just do it. Never try to compete with the mother - let her rule her domestic roost.

Resist all inclinations to lean on your boyfriend, but follow his lead. Observe how relaxed he is and then step up the formality slightly. What might be normal for him (e.g. swearing, eating from the fridge) isn't for you.
Getting more drunk than the parents could raise an eyebrow or two, while angry hangovers are never the mark of a girl good enough for their boy. That said, a little sherry tipsiness all round can be a bonding moment, but beware of the situational overdose and refrain from any entwinement with your boyfriend; keep that rulebook forever in your sights.

Well-informed conversation with a bite of opinion is the ticket. Modestly promote yourself; you have interesting friends, brilliant parents, a great career. Avoid controversy but, if someone else brings it up, gently embrace it.

Debate with reason, but don't take parents to task. Never gang up on your boyfriend to get other family members on side and note that gushing compliments will ring out as creepy and insincere. Never whinge about the injustices of your life.

If you are sharing a bedroom with your boyfriend, be super-discreet. If in separate rooms, your boyfriend should do the bed-hopping. Only he can steal down unlit corridors and avoid creaking floorboards and alarm systems; only he should face the music if caught.

Afterwards, write a thank you letter within a week. When debriefing with your boyfriend, note double standards. He's allowed to criticise his parents, but you are not.

Hold your horses before taking him home to your parents. If you're uneasy about calling him 'your boyfriend', then it's too soon. He'll be scared off, while your parents will sense the strain and may wrongly disapprove of him.

Warn him of any family oddities or off-limits behaviour. Prime him on their pet hates and weak spots and ask your parents to leave all the ugly-duckling evidence in the closet.

Take the lead, but let him assert his own presence and personality. Don't tease him, embarrass him or dent his male pride. Offer some guidance and keep an eye out for pitfalls. Remember, the spotlight is on him and, for most of us, that's not much fun.

Extract from Debrett's Etiquette for Girls, written by Fleur Britten, from an idea created by editors Jo Aitchison and Eleanor Mathieson (Debrett's £17.99).

How To Flirt With Men

Are you an Ice Queen, a dominatrix or a minx? For tips on how to flirt with men watch this film & take the quiz.

Step 1: Appearance

You want to make a good first impression on your man. Should you leave:
A. A little to the imagination
B. A lot to the imagination
C. Nothing to the imagination

Step 2: Eye contact

You are sizing up your man. Should you look:
A. Quickly at him, look away, then look back
B. In the opposite direction
C. Intently at him without blinking for at least 5 minutes

Step 3: Body Language

You would like to use your body to express your interest in your man. Should you look:
A. Interested and approachable by mirroring his posture
B. Unattainable by crossing your arms
C. Easy by doing a few thrusts

Step 4: Conversation

You are about to interact verbally with your man. Should you say:
A. A little, but listen attentively and ask questions at appropriate moments.
B. Not much and ignore his attempts to talk to you
C. A lot and ignore his attempts to run away

Step 5: Touch

You are now getting closer to your man. Should you touch:
A. His arm briefly and gently to break the personal space barrier
B. His wallet
C. Him all over and grab his groin.

Your Results:

Mostly Bs – The Ice Queen. Turn up the heat and give the guy a chance, lady! If you don't thaw out soon you're going to be left out in the cold….

Mostly Cs – The Dominatrix. Wow you know what you want and nothing's going to stop you – not even his lack of interest. Remember it doesn't count if the consent isn't mutual...

Mostly As – The Minx. Congratulations! You know all the right moves… You're subtly sexy and approachable without being over keen. Go girl!

Good luck flirting with your man.

videojug.com

Romantic body language

A significant cluster of body movements has to do with romance, signaling to a person of the opposite sex that you are interested in partnering with them.


From afar

From afar, the first task of body language is to signal interest (and then to watch for reciprocal body language).

Eyes

The eyes do much signaling. Initially and from a distance, a person may look at you for slightly longer than normal, then look away, then look back up at you, again for a longer period.

Preening

There are many preening gestures. What you are basically saying with this is 'I am making myself look good for you'. This includes tossing of the head, brushing hair with hand, polishing spectacles and brushing clothes.

Enacting

Remote romantic language may also include enactment of sexually stimulating activities, for example caressing oneself, for example stroking arms, leg or face. This may either say 'I would like to stroke you like this' or 'I would like you to stroke me like this'.

Similarly, the person (women in particular) may lick and purse their lips into a kiss shape and leave their mouth slightly open in imitation of sexual readiness.

Objects held may be also used in enactment displays, including cigarettes and wine glasses, for example rolling and stroking them.

Displaying

Attractive parts of the body may be exposed, thrust forward, wiggled or otherwise highlighted. For women this includes breasts, neck, bottom and legs. For men it includes a muscular torso, arms or legs, and particularly the crotch (note that women seldom do this).

Faking often happens. Pressing together muscles gives the impression of higher muscle tone. Pressing together and lifting breasts (sometimes helped with an appropriate brassiere) makes them look firmer and larger. Holding out shoulders and arms makes the body look bigger. Holding in the abdomen gives the impression of a firm tummy.

This is often playing to primitive needs. Women show that they are healthy and that they are able to bear and feed the man's child. The man shows he is virile, strong and able to protect the woman and her child.

Leaning

Leaning your body towards another person says 'I would like to be closer to you'. It also tests to see whether they lean towards you or away from you. It can start with the head with a simple tilt or may use the entire torso. This may be coupled with listening intently to what they say, again showing particular interest in them.

Pointing

A person who is interested in you may subtly point at you with a foot, knee, arm or head. It is effectively a signal that says 'I would like to go in this direction'.

Other displays

Other forms of more distant display that are intended to attract include:
Sensual or dramatic dancing (too dramatic, and it can have the opposite effect).
Crotch display, where (particularly male) legs are held apart to show off genitalia.
Faked interest in others, to invoke envy or hurry a closer engagement.
Nodding gently, as if to say 'Yes, I do like you.'

Up close

When you are close to the other person, the body language progressively gets more intimate until one person signals 'enough'.

Close in and personal

In moving closer to the other person, you move from social space into their personal body space, showing how you would like to get even closer to them, perhaps holding them and more...

Standing square-on to them also blocks anyone else from joining the conversation and signals to others to stay away.

Copying

Imitating the person in some way shows 'I am like you'. This can range from a similar body position to using the same gestures and language.

Lovers' gaze

When you are standing close to them, you will holding each other's gaze for longer and longer periods before looking away. You many also use what are called 'doe eyes' or 'bedroom eyes', which are often slightly moist and with the head inclined slightly down.

Where the eyes go is important. Looking at lips means 'I want to kiss'. Looking at other parts of the body may mean 'I want to touch'.

A very subtle signal that few realize is that the eyes will dilate such that the dark pupils get much bigger (this is one reason why dark-eyed people can seem attractive).

Touching

Touching signals even closer intimacy. It may start with 'accidental' brushing, followed by touching of 'safe' parts of the body such as arms or back.

Caressing is gentle stroking that may start in the safer regions and then stray (especially when alone) to sexual regions.

The Silent Ways He Says "I Love You"

You catch him staring at your eyes.
The eyes are more than just windows to a man's soul, they can also be a tattletale to what's welling in his heart. Men always ogle the objects they desire — it's the reason you're always busting us cleavage-peeping. So consider: With all that eye candy out there, if it's you he's staring at, his affection runs deep. There are two types of I-love-you looks. There's the secret stare (you'll have to catch him in the act). "Watching my girlfriend at a party allows me a private moment when I can pinch myself and wonder how I deserve this amazing person in my life — a perspective I can't get when she's right there in front of me," says Patrick, 30.

Then there's the steady gaze. Guys are guarded when it comes to showing emotion. If they lock eyes for a full-tilt, unabashed stare, they're lowering their shield to let you in. "I'd never hold that sort of eye contact with anyone else, but an intense gaze with my girlfriend reflects how comforted and captivated I am by her," says Chip, 29.

He stocks his kitchen with stuff you like.
Discovering that his kitchen is loaded with biscotti, lemon-lime seltzer, and other feminine edibles (that would only pass his lips at gunpoint) shows you're lingering on his mind in the most unexpected, unromantic places — like the produce aisle on a solo shopping trip. "One day I checked out my shopping cart and saw all the bags of baby carrots and bottles of diet soda meant for my girlfriend," says Patrick. "It struck me that it had become second nature for me to consider what would make her happy, and that's when I knew I was in love."

Furthermore, stocking up means he's gone public with your place in his pad. You see, men like to maintain at least the image of being detached for as long as possible. So leaving unmistakable evidence in our home that there's a woman present in our life is a bright red flag that you're The One.

He talks about where he wants to live in three years.
Telling you he plans to relocate out West one day may seem like a neon warning not to get any long-term ideas because your man's getting set to leave you in the dust. However, it might also be his wily way of letting you know that he wants you in his future. "Every time I tell my girlfriend where I see 'me' down the road, I'm really trying to gauge whether she sees herself there with me," says Jon, 26. So how do you know when a guy's just bragging about his grand game plan and when he's quietly declaring his love? It's all in the way he talks. If he tells you he wants to move to Tahiti, be a beach bum, and ogle the local girls, no dice. If he mentions that he sees himself eventually settling in San Francisco, then immediately asks if you could ever envision living there, he's emitting serious long-term relationship rays.


He wears the sweater you gave him all the time.
Trusting you behind the wheel of his wardrobe is something no man does readily. Not that guys are really all that picky about their appearance, it's just that we pride ourselves on being, well, ourselves. "Blame it on the inflated male ego, but to permit any tampering with our identity, even if it's for the better, is considered a sign of weakness," explains Seth, 29. Consequentially, every time a guy does don some item he obviously didn't pick out for himself, he's showing that he's letting you take control and do a little remodeling. It's a bold statement, one that guarantees he'll encounter a certain amount of abuse from his peers. Translation: He's willing to endure his pals' ridicule to make you happy.

He stands right next to you in public.
Where he stands when you're out together says a lot about where you stand in his life. Consider this key truth: Call us dogs for it, but guys are hard-wired to check out women. "It's second nature for men to scan every room they enter for possible trade-ups if he's still in the market for Ms. Perfect," says Robert, 31. That's why when a man's still uncertain about his feelings, he'll either trail several feet behind you or get out in front and lead the path — two safety positions that keep his wandering eyes hidden. "But if he's in love, he'll squelch this most basic male instinct," says Chad, 28. Sidling up shoulder-to-shoulder is his way of showing his commitment by keeping his eyes right where you can see them. Plus, sticking close puts him in range of being touched in public by you, and that limits his ability to go after a sexy chick he may spy. "Being side-by-side puts my girlfriend within lips' reach, making it easy for her to whisper in my ear or lean in for a surprise quick kiss," says Ryan, 27. "It's my way of telling other women that I'm taken."

He doesn't flinch if you pick up his phone.
Men never know what potentially image-damaging force might be lurking on the other end of their phone line — from ex-girlfriends looking for a last hurrah to an overly inquisitive mom. If we let you answer that jingling time bomb, it means there's absolutely nothing about us we want to keep concealed from you. "Men aren't big on sharing. So when a guy lets you grab the phone — possibly making you privy to personal information you could use to blackmail him for the rest of his life — it means he's planning on staying with you for a very long time," says Rich, 29.

But more than just sharing his secrets, a guy handing you the rights to his receiver is essentially the same as giving you the key to his kingdom. "A guy's phone is the last thing left in a relationship that's truly his own," says Jeremy, 26. "Giving up that remaining piece of autonomy is something I only do with someone I love."

Find Out if He's Falling for You
Little tip-offs that the guy you're dating is getting in deep:

He arrives at the restaurant for your dinner dates before you do.

He remembers the names of your friends (and not just the pretty ones).

He does things with you during prime sports time (Saturday and Sunday afternoons from 1 to 7).

He asks about your family.

He tells you the secret that his best friend told him never to tell anyone.

He picks you up from the airport ... during rush hour.

comopolitan.com

Ten signs he is in love

Ever wondered what guys talk about when we're not around?

He's dated his fair share of women and has always enjoyed keeping his options open, but lately there's this one woman that has him wondering if she's 'the one.' In order to help him figure this out, we have compiled the following list of the top ten ways to know he's in love.

1. He starts thinking about the future and she's in it
It used to be that the future with a woman meant his date on Saturday night, but with this woman, the future seems infinite. Not only does he plan to see her this weekend, but he wants to see her a year from now as well.


When planning his next holiday, he knows he wants to spend it with her, and not a random beach bunny he happens to meet while he's there. And when he gets an invitation to a wedding that takes place three months from now, he asks her to be his date without thinking that it's too far away to tell if they'll still be together.

2. Other priorities take a back seat
He used to train religiously, but lately, if she's free for dinner, he doesn't mind missing a workout. Not only that, but his workaholic tendency of bringing work home at weekends to get ahead seems a bit excessive to him lately.

His ever-important 'to do' list seems quite stagnant these days, as being with her always manages to render his other plans and obligations obsolete. What was it that he absolutely had to do by four o'clock again?

3. He doesn't mind compromising sometimes
There was a time when it was his way or the highway, but with her it's different. Not that she asks him to, but he doesn't mind missing a night out with the lads to be with her. And he finds himself trying to incorporate her into his plans or altering them to accommodate her.

He also finds himself not putting up a fight when she wants to go to Shakespeare in the Park. Although his friends find this very amusing, he knows that deep down, they wish that they had found a love like his.

4. He loves spending time with her
This one is pretty obvious but important nonetheless. He looks forward to seeing her, and doesn't care much about what the two of them will be doing. Lately, just going for a walk with her sounds like the best way he could possibly spend an evening.

Furthermore, when they're not together, he misses her and wishes they were spending time together.

5. He doesn't notice other women as much
Did he see that gorgeous blonde who just walked by? What does he mean, 'no'?!? Although he can't help noticing a beautiful woman when one walks by, when he's in love, some of them tend to slip under the radar, while others just pale in comparison to her. Furthermore, he doesn't seem to be flirting half as much as he used to.

He is slowly realising that she's often the only woman in the room that matters, and for some reason that suits him just fine.

6. They have great chemistry
He can't be in love with someone that he has no chemistry with. If he seems to always be on the same wavelength, and think in similar ways, that's a great sign. If they also generate enough heat to set off a five-alarm fire bell, then she is probably someone that he could fall in love with, if they aren't there already.

7.He finds her quirks charming
The fact that she carries her passport with her everywhere she goes - just in
case and that, when she's eating, she can't help but construct every forkful so that it's the perfect blend of ingredients fills him with an inexplicable feeling of happiness.

She does and says things that make her different, and he likes it. He can't quite put his finger on why, but it doesn't even matter. He likes her just the way she is.

8. He cares about her
There is a reason why he doesn't really want to know too much about the chick he had a one-night stand with: he didn't love her. When he's in love with a woman, he wants to know all about her: who she is, what she thinks, what makes her laugh. He truly cares about her and his feelings.

If he truly loves a woman, he feels bad if she had a bad day or is upset about something. He doesn't try to cheer her up because he has to, but because he can't help it.

9. He can't stop thinking about her
Instead, he is consumed by thoughts of her. She just pops into his head for no apparent reason, and he wonders if she thinks of him half as much as he thinks of her. He wonders what she's up to and even considers calling her (but should refrain from doing so for fear of looking overeager).

But it gets worse. He's out with his friends and he sees something in a shop window and thinks about how much she would like that particular item, or he notices a poster for a show that she would love, but normally wouldn't even have looked twice at it.

If she's the last thing on his mind before he goes to sleep and the first thing on his mind when he wakes up - and he's even dreamed of her on a couple of occasions then he doesn't really even need to read on to know if he's in love (but should anyway, just to be sure).

10. He's forgotten his ex
More often than not, a break-up is followed by a significant amount of time spent thinking about his ex and wondering whether or not he made the right decision in going their separate ways. Depending on how long the two of them were together, these doubts can resurface again and again.

Ever since he met this new one, however, the thought of getting back together with his ex is the furthest thing from his mind. Come to think of it, he barely recalls what he found so great about her in the first place.

She's the one
If he is currently dating a woman who makes him act in any of the ways mentioned above, then he is seriously falling for her. It's time for him to put away the little black book for a while and enjoy the ride.
ivillage.co.uk