When to listen to your friends

When it comes to you and your man, your friends will either think you're a perfect match or a match made in hell. Do they say things like, 'He's not right for you' or 'You're different around him'? They could have your best interests at heart -- or they could just be jealous. Here's when you should listen to your sistahs' gripes about your significant other and when you should tell them to back off.
"Some key signs that girlfriends should look out for is if they see your boyfriend talk negatively about you to them behind your back, if he checks out other women blatantly in front of them, or is flirtatious and even comes on to a friend," says love, dating and relationship expert Janice D. Bennett, Ph.D.

You should also listen to what your friends say about your man when:

1. You can't relax and be yourself

If you're always quiet around him when you're usually a motor mouth or if you skip the raunchy jokes so as not to offend him, there may be a problem.

2. You quit your yoga class

If your friends point out that you've missed the last month of workout classes or book club meetings, heed their concern. It could mean you are becoming too wrapped up in your BF's world. A good partner will encourage you to pursue your own hobbies and interests.

3. You no longer have an opinion on politics

…Or the war in Iraq, abortion, religion, etc. If you stifle your views to appease his, there's something strange going down.

4. he has become your only social life

You say you live your "own lives," but the truth is you seem happier and more carefree when you're with just your friends instead of your man.
Next: When to tell your BFFs to back off...
When it comes to you and your man, your friends will either think you're a perfect match or a match made in hell. Do they say things like, 'He's not right for you' or 'You're different around him'? They could have your best interests at heart -- or they could just be jealous. Here's when you should listen to your sistahs' gripes about your significant other and when you should tell them to back off.

When to fight back

"By the time someone is in their late 20s to early 30s, they should know which friends they can go to for specific kinds of help… So, I think that it's important to remember the source of the advice in order to know whose advice should be 'taken with a grain of salt,' vs. the person who is so loving and loyal that her advice and opinions are not just designed for her benefit," Dr. Bennett said.

Tell your pals thanks, but no thanks, when:

1. You feel comfortable and supported

He tells gross fart jokes -- and so do you. Your friends might find it nasty, but if you share a penchant for this type of humor, it's a sign you're well matched.

2. They're single and bitter

Is she saying she never sees you and ask for one-on-one time, even after you just went to the mall with her last weekend? Your friend might be lonely or jealous because she wants what you have.

3. They refuse to meet your partner

You can't pass judgment on someone you've never met. If your friend has nothing good to say when you relay stories about your guy, invite her to dinner with the two of you, so she can see what he's really like.

4. They don't care about your needs and desires

We've all had friends or family members who want us to marry a certain type (usually tall dark and handsome, with a law or medical degree and a time share in the Caribbean). If your man doesn't fit their mold, they might gripe about how "you can do better." The bottom line: if he supports you, makes you feel good, challenges you in the right ways and lets you be yourself, tell your loved ones that you're happy and they should be happy for you.

she knows.com

Dating:Do's and Don'ts

So you've read my Why I hate the Bar Scene article and you are ready to enter the world of online adult dating. Here are some simple Do's and Dont's that, although simple, should help to provide you with a better online dating experience. (Note: These tips are strictly for romantic dating and not geared toward intimate dating)

DO:
Make sure you fill out all fields provided by the adult dating site you are becoming a member of to the best of your ability and as honestly as possible. Make sure you write a good amount of text about yourself and try to describe yourself and your interests the way you see them from your point of view. Let yourself be yourself. Make sure your personality shows through in your writing so that you can convey an accurate representation of who you are.

DON'T:
Adult dating sites can only give you back what you put into them. Don't write things like, "I will add more later". Do it now. You're right there so you may as well complete what you started. After all, you are there to meet people and if you are serious about finding a dating partner complete this process and show others that you are serious. Use complete sentences and complete words. Do not type things like, "cuz" or "b4" or "U".

DO:
Add a good, clear, bright photo to your profile. Add several, at least three. Take a shot inside and outside. The camera can be tricky sometimes and some people take a more accurate representation (better picture) of themselves either inside or outside.

DON'T:
Do not add a picture of yourself that is too dark. Nothing is more frustrating for adult dating site members than having to get real close to the monitor and squint there eyes in order to see what color your hair is. If you want to take a picture of dog, make sure you are also in the picture. I've seen many pictures on adult dating sites where there are four pictures available for viewing where the first picture is the person I'm interested in and the next three are of their dog. I'm not here to date their dog. Also, DO NOT upload a picture of you with your neighbors or friend's child! They may not appreciate you putting a picture of their child on the Internet and, after all, this is an adult dating site, not a child pageantry.

DO:
Write a good subject line. Write a subject line that stands out. Adult dating site members can receive quite a bit of email, so you want to stand out from the crowd. Remember, the subject line is the first thing visible.

DON'T:
Do not leave the generic subject line that is automatically generated when creating a new email. Doing so will make you look lazy or imply that you do not have much to say or are unoriginal. It does not mean that you are, however, this is something the reader may extrapolate.

DO:
Write something interesting, perhaps about yourself. Make sure you end the initial email with a question or two to make it easier for the recipient to reply with follow up correspondence. Also, sign the email with your name. Doing so makes the entire adult dating process more personable and "real".

DON'T:
If you want to receive a reply, don't simply write "hi, I like your profile" in your initial correspondence. Doing so is extremely flat and does not exactly warrant a reply from the recipient. If you do get a reply, it may consist of a simple "thanks". At that point, you are back to square one and have basically wasted time and also have diminished the chance of another reply.

DO:
Be polite! Remember, these are real people with real feelings. You are at an adult dating site with other people who are mutually looking to meet. If you are serious about meeting other singles, be respectful. Wouldn't you expect the same?

DON'T:
Do not be lewd! Women especially are not receptive to such initial correspondence. If you are not here for dating and are looking more for a sexual dating encounter or "hook up", you are in the wrong place. If you are looking for sites that cater to sexual adult dating, have a look here for a list of sites that will accommodate you.

These are just a few, brief tips I've put together. I will write more tips soon. I hope these simple tips will get you started and enhance your online adult dating experience.

Teen Dating: Parents Care

Parents should be aware of the people that their teens come in contact with regularly online, especially if the teen begins dating online. Sometimes it can be hard to prevent a teenager from falling for someone online, but steps can be taken to guarantee the safety of the teen. If the potential partner is genuine, he will not be concerned if the parents drop their teen off at the meeting place and check the stranger out.

Any type of dating is potentially dangerous, especially online dating and even more particularly, teen online dating. There are many predators out there in the online world just waiting to prey on unsuspecting young people, and it is important for parents and teens alike to understand the potential dangers that await them online. It is very easy for people to fall for someone that they have been chatting with online, and the same can be true for teen online dating. There are a lot of online teen dating sites on the Internet; some are free and others require payment, but there are still a lot of choices out there and finding a reputable site can be overwhelming.

Basic Tips on Protecting Teens When Dating Online

Parents need to make a conscious effort to protect their teens that are using the Internet. The parents need to make the teens aware of the dangers in talking to strangers online, and they should make sure that they know where their teen is at all times. It is too easy for a teenager to meet someone on an online teen dating site and agree to meet, only to find that the person is not as young or good looking as he claimed. Parents should be aware of the people that their teens come in contact with regularly online, especially if the teen begins dating online. Sometimes it can be hard to prevent a teenager from falling for someone online, but steps can be taken to guarantee the safety of the teen. If the potential partner is genuine, he will not be concerned if the parents drop their teen off at the meeting place and check the stranger out.

Teens should always have phone contact before meeting up with anyone. If they really want to meet up with someone from a teen online dating site, the parents should know the location and preferably attend the first meeting with their son or daughter.

Before the meeting, the teen should make telephone contact with the person and never give out their home address. After the meeting, the teen should be collected to make sure he or she is not followed home. Your teen should never be alone with the stranger, even if the person appears to have been telling the truth about themselves. In cases of harassment or stalking, there are organizations that are designed to help with specific cases like this. If a parent is suspicious of the person who is meeting up with their teen, then they should definitely contact the police and keep a close eye on their teen in future.

The Silent Ways He Says "I Love You"

You catch him staring at your eyes.
The eyes are more than just windows to a man's soul, they can also be a tattletale to what's welling in his heart. Men always ogle the objects they desire — it's the reason you're always busting us cleavage-peeping. So consider: With all that eye candy out there, if it's you he's staring at, his affection runs deep. There are two types of I-love-you looks. There's the secret stare (you'll have to catch him in the act). "Watching my girlfriend at a party allows me a private moment when I can pinch myself and wonder how I deserve this amazing person in my life — a perspective I can't get when she's right there in front of me," says Patrick, 30.

Then there's the steady gaze. Guys are guarded when it comes to showing emotion. If they lock eyes for a full-tilt, unabashed stare, they're lowering their shield to let you in. "I'd never hold that sort of eye contact with anyone else, but an intense gaze with my girlfriend reflects how comforted and captivated I am by her," says Chip, 29.

He stocks his kitchen with stuff you like.
Discovering that his kitchen is loaded with biscotti, lemon-lime seltzer, and other feminine edibles (that would only pass his lips at gunpoint) shows you're lingering on his mind in the most unexpected, unromantic places — like the produce aisle on a solo shopping trip. "One day I checked out my shopping cart and saw all the bags of baby carrots and bottles of diet soda meant for my girlfriend," says Patrick. "It struck me that it had become second nature for me to consider what would make her happy, and that's when I knew I was in love."

Furthermore, stocking up means he's gone public with your place in his pad. You see, men like to maintain at least the image of being detached for as long as possible. So leaving unmistakable evidence in our home that there's a woman present in our life is a bright red flag that you're The One.

He talks about where he wants to live in three years.
Telling you he plans to relocate out West one day may seem like a neon warning not to get any long-term ideas because your man's getting set to leave you in the dust. However, it might also be his wily way of letting you know that he wants you in his future. "Every time I tell my girlfriend where I see 'me' down the road, I'm really trying to gauge whether she sees herself there with me," says Jon, 26. So how do you know when a guy's just bragging about his grand game plan and when he's quietly declaring his love? It's all in the way he talks. If he tells you he wants to move to Tahiti, be a beach bum, and ogle the local girls, no dice. If he mentions that he sees himself eventually settling in San Francisco, then immediately asks if you could ever envision living there, he's emitting serious long-term relationship rays.


He wears the sweater you gave him all the time.
Trusting you behind the wheel of his wardrobe is something no man does readily. Not that guys are really all that picky about their appearance, it's just that we pride ourselves on being, well, ourselves. "Blame it on the inflated male ego, but to permit any tampering with our identity, even if it's for the better, is considered a sign of weakness," explains Seth, 29. Consequentially, every time a guy does don some item he obviously didn't pick out for himself, he's showing that he's letting you take control and do a little remodeling. It's a bold statement, one that guarantees he'll encounter a certain amount of abuse from his peers. Translation: He's willing to endure his pals' ridicule to make you happy.

He stands right next to you in public.
Where he stands when you're out together says a lot about where you stand in his life. Consider this key truth: Call us dogs for it, but guys are hard-wired to check out women. "It's second nature for men to scan every room they enter for possible trade-ups if he's still in the market for Ms. Perfect," says Robert, 31. That's why when a man's still uncertain about his feelings, he'll either trail several feet behind you or get out in front and lead the path — two safety positions that keep his wandering eyes hidden. "But if he's in love, he'll squelch this most basic male instinct," says Chad, 28. Sidling up shoulder-to-shoulder is his way of showing his commitment by keeping his eyes right where you can see them. Plus, sticking close puts him in range of being touched in public by you, and that limits his ability to go after a sexy chick he may spy. "Being side-by-side puts my girlfriend within lips' reach, making it easy for her to whisper in my ear or lean in for a surprise quick kiss," says Ryan, 27. "It's my way of telling other women that I'm taken."

He doesn't flinch if you pick up his phone.
Men never know what potentially image-damaging force might be lurking on the other end of their phone line — from ex-girlfriends looking for a last hurrah to an overly inquisitive mom. If we let you answer that jingling time bomb, it means there's absolutely nothing about us we want to keep concealed from you. "Men aren't big on sharing. So when a guy lets you grab the phone — possibly making you privy to personal information you could use to blackmail him for the rest of his life — it means he's planning on staying with you for a very long time," says Rich, 29.

But more than just sharing his secrets, a guy handing you the rights to his receiver is essentially the same as giving you the key to his kingdom. "A guy's phone is the last thing left in a relationship that's truly his own," says Jeremy, 26. "Giving up that remaining piece of autonomy is something I only do with someone I love."

Find Out if He's Falling for You
Little tip-offs that the guy you're dating is getting in deep:

He arrives at the restaurant for your dinner dates before you do.

He remembers the names of your friends (and not just the pretty ones).

He does things with you during prime sports time (Saturday and Sunday afternoons from 1 to 7).

He asks about your family.

He tells you the secret that his best friend told him never to tell anyone.

He picks you up from the airport ... during rush hour.

comopolitan.com

Ten signs he is in love

Ever wondered what guys talk about when we're not around?

He's dated his fair share of women and has always enjoyed keeping his options open, but lately there's this one woman that has him wondering if she's 'the one.' In order to help him figure this out, we have compiled the following list of the top ten ways to know he's in love.

1. He starts thinking about the future and she's in it
It used to be that the future with a woman meant his date on Saturday night, but with this woman, the future seems infinite. Not only does he plan to see her this weekend, but he wants to see her a year from now as well.


When planning his next holiday, he knows he wants to spend it with her, and not a random beach bunny he happens to meet while he's there. And when he gets an invitation to a wedding that takes place three months from now, he asks her to be his date without thinking that it's too far away to tell if they'll still be together.

2. Other priorities take a back seat
He used to train religiously, but lately, if she's free for dinner, he doesn't mind missing a workout. Not only that, but his workaholic tendency of bringing work home at weekends to get ahead seems a bit excessive to him lately.

His ever-important 'to do' list seems quite stagnant these days, as being with her always manages to render his other plans and obligations obsolete. What was it that he absolutely had to do by four o'clock again?

3. He doesn't mind compromising sometimes
There was a time when it was his way or the highway, but with her it's different. Not that she asks him to, but he doesn't mind missing a night out with the lads to be with her. And he finds himself trying to incorporate her into his plans or altering them to accommodate her.

He also finds himself not putting up a fight when she wants to go to Shakespeare in the Park. Although his friends find this very amusing, he knows that deep down, they wish that they had found a love like his.

4. He loves spending time with her
This one is pretty obvious but important nonetheless. He looks forward to seeing her, and doesn't care much about what the two of them will be doing. Lately, just going for a walk with her sounds like the best way he could possibly spend an evening.

Furthermore, when they're not together, he misses her and wishes they were spending time together.

5. He doesn't notice other women as much
Did he see that gorgeous blonde who just walked by? What does he mean, 'no'?!? Although he can't help noticing a beautiful woman when one walks by, when he's in love, some of them tend to slip under the radar, while others just pale in comparison to her. Furthermore, he doesn't seem to be flirting half as much as he used to.

He is slowly realising that she's often the only woman in the room that matters, and for some reason that suits him just fine.

6. They have great chemistry
He can't be in love with someone that he has no chemistry with. If he seems to always be on the same wavelength, and think in similar ways, that's a great sign. If they also generate enough heat to set off a five-alarm fire bell, then she is probably someone that he could fall in love with, if they aren't there already.

7.He finds her quirks charming
The fact that she carries her passport with her everywhere she goes - just in
case and that, when she's eating, she can't help but construct every forkful so that it's the perfect blend of ingredients fills him with an inexplicable feeling of happiness.

She does and says things that make her different, and he likes it. He can't quite put his finger on why, but it doesn't even matter. He likes her just the way she is.

8. He cares about her
There is a reason why he doesn't really want to know too much about the chick he had a one-night stand with: he didn't love her. When he's in love with a woman, he wants to know all about her: who she is, what she thinks, what makes her laugh. He truly cares about her and his feelings.

If he truly loves a woman, he feels bad if she had a bad day or is upset about something. He doesn't try to cheer her up because he has to, but because he can't help it.

9. He can't stop thinking about her
Instead, he is consumed by thoughts of her. She just pops into his head for no apparent reason, and he wonders if she thinks of him half as much as he thinks of her. He wonders what she's up to and even considers calling her (but should refrain from doing so for fear of looking overeager).

But it gets worse. He's out with his friends and he sees something in a shop window and thinks about how much she would like that particular item, or he notices a poster for a show that she would love, but normally wouldn't even have looked twice at it.

If she's the last thing on his mind before he goes to sleep and the first thing on his mind when he wakes up - and he's even dreamed of her on a couple of occasions then he doesn't really even need to read on to know if he's in love (but should anyway, just to be sure).

10. He's forgotten his ex
More often than not, a break-up is followed by a significant amount of time spent thinking about his ex and wondering whether or not he made the right decision in going their separate ways. Depending on how long the two of them were together, these doubts can resurface again and again.

Ever since he met this new one, however, the thought of getting back together with his ex is the furthest thing from his mind. Come to think of it, he barely recalls what he found so great about her in the first place.

She's the one
If he is currently dating a woman who makes him act in any of the ways mentioned above, then he is seriously falling for her. It's time for him to put away the little black book for a while and enjoy the ride.
ivillage.co.uk

Lust,Obsession or Rebound?

Love is a tricky emotion. There are some things that feel like love but they are much too superficial to be the real thing. Real love takes time and doesn't happen over night. Here are three things that people often confuse for love.

Lust

Lust is the feeling that is often mistaken for love at first sight. Lust is an intense and sudden attraction to somebody you hardly know. It is mistaken for love because the attraction is so strong.

Lust can feel like love because the feelings of attraction are strong and all-consuming. The emotions stirred up by lust can feel very real but they are based on a fantasy. To love somebody you must know them well but many people fall in lust while they are still strangers. What people in lust fall for is a fantasy of what might be and reality can get lost in the excitement.

Overwhelmed by physical attraction people in lust can't keep their hands off of each other. They think about each other constantly and talk about one another all the time. Lust is a happy feeling brought on by passionate attraction. If you are inexperienced in matters of the heart it is very easy to mistake all that passion for love.


Lust differs from love like night differs from day. Lust happens in the early phase of a relationship when people don’t yet know each other. Lust is based on a fantasy, and the fantasy and reality don’t always mesh up. This is where lust runs out of steam.

Although physical attraction is definitely a key ingredient in any romantic relationship, love is more than just a physical longing. If a relationship is all about physical attraction it is based on lust. Really loving another person takes time and it can't be based on physical attraction alone.

Obsession

Obsessions are often mistaken for love because people rationalize the crazy feelings they are having. They assume that it must be love if the other person is always on their mind. Obsession is similar to lust but it is much more misleading and destructive. While lust is often fleeting, fading as two people come to know each other better, obsession sticks around.

The more time and effort invested in an unhealthy obsession the more intense the obsession can become. People in an obsessed state have a one track mind where the other person is concerned and they often lose touch with who they are as an individual. This loss of individuality creates a vicious circle of behavior where the obsessed person grows more and more dependant on the other person to bolster their sense of self.

Even unrequited love, love that is not returned, can become an overwhelming obsession. When one person believes they are in a relationship that doesn't really exist, or when one person is more invested in an existing relationship than the other, the foundation for an obsession has been laid.

Real love is nurturing and helps people grow but obsession is debilitating. If you feel like you have lost yourself, if you are always striving to please your partner without them doing the same for you, and if you find yourself making all decisions in your life based on the feelings and needs of the other person you could be dealing with obsession.

Rebounding

A rebound is a relationship that starts up very quickly after another relationship has ended. Rebounds are rarely based on love but are really a way of alleviating the loneliness people feel when a relationship ends.

Rebounding can feel like love for the simple reason that the people involved want to be in love. They are used to the security of being in love and more than anything else they want to feel that security again. They convince themselves that they are in love when they are actually missing the safety and comfort of the relationship they left behind.

If an old relationship keeps interfering with the progress of a new relationship it could mean that the relationship is a rebound. When somebody is on the rebound they are not entirely over their previous relationship. They may still be trying to work out unresolved issues from that relationship. Rebound relationships may feel like love but they are still impacted by unsettled feelings from the past.

Love Lasts Only 4 Years

I wonderif there still are people for whom love isn't just a scientifically explained phenomenon...Researchers at National Autonomous University of Mexico claim, that every infatuation lasts no more than four years. According to the scientists, infatuation which resembles temporary madness is caused by the activation of specific chemical compounds in the brain. Even the deepest love will not be there anymore, when the “reserve” of these compounds runs out (in 4 years at most). Then passionate love becomes just emotional addiction or sexual dependence.

Love Is Obsession

The scientists surveyed a large number of loving people and have also found, that love has all the characteristics of the obsessive-compulsive neurosis: when one is in love, they often lose sleep and appetite and can't think of anything else, but their beloved.

Love Him Only Once

Besides, the Mexico researchers have found, that one can fall in love with a particular person only once. The feelings that might occur after the break of relationships are transient and can’t stir up great love.